


Tie me down to your heart

by Ravensmores



Series: Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Katsuki Yuuri, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, It was only supposed to be a short prompt, M/M, Men Crying, Miscommunication, Prompt Fic, Red String of Fate, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates, This one reeeeaaally got away from me, Tumblr Prompt, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-05-29 11:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15072317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravensmores/pseuds/Ravensmores
Summary: When he was here this morning, he’d felt lighter than the spray of the ocean.Looking at his ring, he’d felt a whole new kind of love unfurling slowly in his heart; the kind that told him that he could finally have something to hold onto, that the worry that had been hanging over his head like a guillotine for months didn’t matter anymore.That it didn’t matter that he wasn’t Yuuri’s soulmate





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompt 86 “Don’t be scared, I’m right here,” from [THIS](https://iced-peanut.tumblr.com/post/175266971023/angstfluff-prompt-list) prompt list

_“After the final, let’s end this”_

The words are hours old by this point but they still burn as painfully in Victor’s mind as if he’s just heard them.

The night was passing in a stinging blur, Victor pacing for what felt like days up and down the same strip of Barcelona coast until the ache in his feet finally matched the one in his heart.

He eventually stops, turning to look out over the darkness of the water in front of him.

18 hours ago he was admiring the gleam of his new ring against the optimism of a clear sunrise, yet now he stands in the same spot, watching the ink of the winter sea restlessly dance under the chill of the midnight wind.

He idly thinks about all the time spent staring out at the ocean when he was younger, closing his eyes and wishing on every roll of the waves that he could find his soulmate. That they’d meet and finally both see the red thread that fate had tied around them both.

_“You can make your comeback. And you can go out and actually find your soulmate. It’s what you’ve always wanted right?”_

Victor can almost laugh. The good intentions behind that statement somehow cut deeper than the fact that Yuuri actually wanted to leave him, all his happiness from the previous weeks snatched away by a few simple words.

When he was there this morning, he’d felt lighter than the spray of the ocean.

Looking at his ring, he’d felt a whole new kind of love unfurling slowly in his heart; the kind that told him that he could finally have something to hold onto, that the worry that had been hanging over his head like a guillotine for months didn’t matter anymore.

_That it didn’t matter that he wasn’t Yuuri’s soulmate. Even if-_

His train of thought gets halted by a strong breath of wind cutting against him, ripping another shiver from his body.

He sighs, turning back towards the bright illuminations of the city, drawing his shirt around him as tightly as he can. In his haste to be alone after the initial slap of their conversation, he hadn’t even grabbed his coat as he walked out the hotel door.

While the temptation to hit the nearest bar was strong, the absence of his wallet was putting a stopper in that plan.

_Stop being a coward._

He chides himself as he takes a steadying breath and slowly turns on his heels back towards the hotel. He might have spent his life chasing love, but right now he was still a coach. If this was going to be their last event together, then he was still going to push Yuuri towards that gold medal.

Even if he won’t need him after that.

\----

It’s gone 1am by the time he steps back into the hotel. While their room is draped in thick darkness he can see that Yuuri’s bed is still as flat as when it was made this morning.

Before a pang of worry can flash through his mind, he notices the crack of light making its way from underneath the bathroom door.

He can’t stop his heart from shattering just a little more when he slowly opens it.

Yuuri sits unmoving on the floor, glasses thrown across the room, his knees drawn up to his forehead.

“Yuuri?” As he moves closer, Victor notices how his shoulders are shaking slightly, his breathing uneven- the same as it always is after he’s been crying for a while.

“Hey,” Victor murmurs softly as he sits down next to him, feeling another stab of pain as Yuuri flinches away slightly at the proximity.

He wants to be angry. Knows that it would probably be cathartic to be angry at him for saying all this the night before his next event but he just… can’t. Yuuri needs to skate tomorrow and right now his performance still has to come first.

“Can I touch you?” he whispers slowly reaching out his fingers the same way you might towards a spooked animal.

He sees Yuuri nod slightly, so gently tips his head up from where it was pressing against his knees. His eyes are blurred and red, the dried trail of old tears evident all over his cheeks.

He hates it.

Victor wants to hold him, soothe him, tell him that everything will be alright, but the atmosphere between them still hangs thick with unease and unspoken hurt.

“You need to sleep,” is eventually what he settles on.

“I know.” His voice is a sandpapery whisper in the room, but he makes no move to stand.

Victor sighs and slowly wraps an arm around his shoulders, trying to pull him to his feet. “Come on, you’ve got to help me here,” he tries to shift them into a better position, keeping his voice as light as he can. “How else are you going to win me that medal if you don’t sleep?” The words hurt as they leave Victor’s mouth, even with the smile he tries to paint on his lips.

“It’s about love Victor.”

He stops trying to move him at the quiet statement. “What?”

“My free skate. It’s about love.” Yuuri slowly turns his head, his words rough and shaking. “How am I supposed to get you that gold medal if I’m skating about something I don’t even know?”

Victor takes a second to process the words, taking in the dull resignation splashed across the other man’s features.

“Yes, you do. Of course, you do.” Victor reaches out to brush away a few messy strands of Yuuri’s hair from his face, “you’ve been skating beautifully this season, why would you even think that?”

Yuuri huffs out a defeated laugh at his words, turning away from him slightly. “You have a soulmate Victor.” His voice catches on the words, sounding like such a resigned sadness. “Throughout your whole career you always went on about how you were going to find them.” He slowly wipes his hands down his face, another long sigh escaping his throat as he keeps addressing the space in front of him. “How am I supposed to keep skating for you knowing that you’re going to find them some day?”

All the worry that had been hanging over his head like a dark cloud suddenly hits him with the force of a cinderblock at the defeated utterance of those words.

He can’t let this happen. Not because of that.

“Yuuri- please” he desperately searches for the right words, “it doesn’t matter. You have to know I-”

“It does matter!” Victor can’t stop himself from flinching back slightly at the sudden shout, the anguish of the sentiment bouncing off the walls of the small room. “I’m done pretending it doesn’t matter. We tried but we can’t keep going on like this.” He slams his palms into his eyes, the frustration etched on the strained white of his knuckles.

“Yuuri...” Victor’s words die in his mouth as he watches another angry sob shudder in Yuuri’s throat. He wants to find the right thing to say, wants to find a way to make this okay... but he knows that he can’t.

Not now.

“I’m scared Victor. I’m really really scared.” Yuuri’s body shivers with the force of his words as he continues. “I know this is the last thing I’m going to do for you, so it should be amazing but-” Yuuri hangs his head, the next words suddenly barely more than a whisper, “I know I’m going to let you down.”

Victor doesn’t fight his better judgement anymore. He grabs Yuuri from his slump on the floor and pulls him properly into his arms, letting him bury his face in Victor’s shoulder as a fresh round of tears start to spill from Yuuri’s eyes.

“Please don’t be scared.” It’s a desperate plea. “I’m here. I’m right here and I’ll be right here when you skate, I promise.” He runs a hand down his spine, desperately trying to soothe the angry shake of his body. “Yuuri, I-,” _love you, “_ know you’re going to be amazing.”

He bites his lip, letting his own tears fall silently on top of Yuuri’s head, desperately tying to hide his own sobs at how he was being too much of a coward to tell him the truth. For months he’d kept telling himself, _it’s not the right time, he has to find out on his own,_ yet now it finally clicks into place that it’s too late. The entire situation was fractured and he has no way to fix it.

He doesn’t even know the right words to say. Right now he just knows he has to be there.

He holds onto Yuuri until he can feel the sobs wracking his body soften, his erratic breathing slowly evening out.

They sit tangled together on the cool bathroom floor for what could be hours. While Victor can feel his legs going numb from the less-than comfortable position they’re in, he knows he’s not moving until Yuuri does.

For a few long minutes, they still stay quiet, the only sounds the catch of their breath and the soft buzzing of the light overhead until Yuuri eventually shifts slightly to lift his head.  “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, gently wiping at the damp spot where he’d been crying on Victor’s shoulder.

“It’s not the first time you’ve cried on me.” He smiles, reaching behind him to grab Yuuri’s glasses and gently places them back on his face.

“No- I’m sorry that you haven’t been able to find them yet,” Yuuri murmurs, shaking his head and reaching out to wipe the remnants of Victor’s own tears from his cheeks “Your soulmate I mean.”

He’s heard them before, but the words still feel like a knife twisting in his heart when they come from Yuuri.

“It’s fine.” He just wants this conversation to end, to get them to bed and hope he can somehow scrub the hurt from his skin with his morning shower.

Victor pulls both of them to their feet, steering them out of the bathroom and turning off the light as he goes.

As Yuuri slips between the sheets of their bed, he turns to regard Victor again, his expression a little softer. “You said you could see the thread sometimes. Imagine what it will be like when it leads you to them.”

Victor pulls off his clothes and collapses onto his side, sighing out his reply, “yeah.”

He doesn’t close the distance between them.

“I bet they’ve been following their end as well,” Yuuri’s voice is fading, his head turning further into the pillow, “soon you can go and find them.”

“Yeah,” he whispers again, trying not to let the next round of tears stinging behind his eyes spill over.

He knows that Yuuri is doing what he thinks is right. He can’t help that it hurt Victor so so much, remaining completely oblivious every time Victor desperately tried to make him _see_ that he was wrong.

But Yuuri never could. And after tonight, Victor is almost completely certain he never will.

He rolls over to watch Yuuri drift into sleep, smiling a little about how much he really did care about him in his own way.

Victor knows that Yuuri always thought he must have been sad because he didn’t know where to look, that he can only sometimes see the thread tying him to his soulmate, but that wasn’t it at all.

It’s that he can always see it.

As he watches the moonlight gently illuminate Yuuri’s features, Victor wishes more than any other time that he could see it too.

He puts his hand under the duvet, trying for one more night to ignore the single red thread securely tied from his wrist to Yuuri’s.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanders in six months after originally posting this with an extremely cold Starbucks. 
> 
> IMPORTANT: If you haven’t read the prequel to this story, please do [HERE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15250374), otherwise a lot of Victor’s motivation isn’t going to make much sense.
> 
> Anyways, sorry about the long wait but here we are! Angst begone!

It hurts watching Yuuri warm up.  
  
It wasn’t just the near constant itch burned into his eyes from possibly the worst night’s sleep of his life, but the almost physical rub he could feel from the thread between them, pulling and twisting with each of Yuuri’s moves on the ice.  
  
He almost hates that it’s still there. It had thinned a little since their early morning conversation, but he still sees it fluttering wherever he casts his eyes. Bright, scarlet and so very present, almost like it was mocking him as it casually moves and sways in his peripheral vision.  
  
Watching the thread loop with Yuuri as he launches himself into a jump, he idly wonders if it’ll vanish when they part like it had a few times before, or if he’ll be stuck watching the twitching ghost of a fraying thread for the rest of his days knowing the love of his life was still out there: living, skating, working-  
  
_Loving someone else._  
  
Bile rises in his throat at the thought.  
  
He shakes his head and blinks back familiar tears, trying to focus on Yuuri finishing his practice, his eyes across the ice as worn as Victor feels.  
  
Right now he needs him as a coach, they can get to everything else later.  
  
_Even if later meant taking away one of the last pieces of true joy he still had._  
  
“Victor?” He’s pulled back to reality by Yuuri suddenly in front of him, holding his hands out for his skate guards.  
  
He tries not to let the icy hurt from the morning show on his face as he hands them over, quickly trying to remember how to be a good coach for once.  
  
“How do you feel?”  
  
“Fine,” Yuuri murmurs, his voice as flat and cold as the ice behind them. “I’m fine.”  
  
Victor feels another stab of guilt wash through him as he takes in the resigned look on his face, the craters under his eyes as ugly and purple as fresh bruises. He opens his mouth, desperately searching for the right words, anything to stop the emotional sting he knows both of them could feel the instant they woke up this morning.  
  
_You’re my soulmate._  
  
_I know you can’t see the thread but I don’t care._  
  
_Please don’t leave me._  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Yuuri nods slightly and heads away from the edge of the rink, his posture rigid.  
  
Victor digs his nails firmly into his palm at his own cowardice, angry at himself for this being the one time in his life when he has absolutely no plan. He wants to make this right, wants to find some way, any way that he can convince Yuuri to stay, convince him that there could never be anyone else… but he can’t.  
  
Victor sighs and slowly follows him away from the harsh lights of the stadium, putting the tied wrist as deep into his pocket as he can.

* * *

  
  
As they stand on opposite sides of the rink’s barrier, Victor tries with all his might to push the pain of the last 24 hours to the back of his mind. There’s still the fresh sting of the fact Yuuri had icily avoided eye contact with him for the past ten minutes, but right now finding any kind of motivation for their last skate together is the least he can do.

“Don’t worry. You can win gold, Yuuri,” he says as steadily as he can, covering both of Yuuri’s hands with his own. “Believe in yourself.” He knows the words are cheap, the artificial sincerity bitter on his tongue, but with all that’s transpired between them, it’s all he has.  
  
There’s a beat of silence between them, Yuuri’s fingers tight around the side of the rink as he visibly exhales. “Hey Victor,” his face is cast down towards the shine of the ice, words calm and slow. “I told you before I wanted you to stay who you were. Don’t suddenly start trying to sound like a coach now.” He shifts his grip so he can softly hold onto Victor’s hands, his voice the strongest it’s been all day.  “I want to smile for my last time on the ice.”  
  
Victor is taken aback by the words.

He didn’t sound sad, or angry or passive, certainly not the wisp of thanks at his tired encouragement that he expected.

He sounded honest. Frustrated. Almost… determined. For the first time in hours, he can feel something other than the cold whisper of hurt between them. Something warm.  
  
A thought stronger than any soulmate thread suddenly pulls taught in his mind.

Victor was never a model coach. Not even remotely.

When he was throwing clothes into a suitcase and charging God-knows how much to his credit card booking a red-eye flight for him and his dog to Japan, the difficulties of coaching someone hadn’t even crossed his mind. He was a champion, Yuuri had talent and the thread seemed to be pulling him that way. He was so sure this was going to work. To be simple.

Except that it wasn’t.

It was hard. Unbelievably, painfully hard. It wasn’t just the confusion around his soulmate, or that he’d never coached anyone in his life, it’s that Yuuri was nothing like he ever expected. Yes, he was clearly talented, hard-working, confident when he tried… but also scared. Scared of failure, scared of letting everyone down, scared of Victor leaving him. They were feelings he’d never had to deal with himself, so trying to comfort him in his times of need could be difficult. So _so_ difficult.  And because of that, he did something he’d not done in a long time. Learned. Adapted. Grown. Because of Yuuri, he could feel himself changing for the first time in years, the feelings he’d been neglecting for almost twenty years now finally able to bloom. So he did everything he could to enjoy every minute of their time together: he learned how to hold him when the anxiety trembled through his mind, found just the right words to stoke the fire behind his eyes when he stepped out to perform, helped create him a programme with so much love that he could feel a small piece of his heart gliding alongside him every time Yuuri performed it.

And throughout all that, he’d never been anything other than himself. He’d always been Victor, and Yuuri had always been Yuuri. Sweet, wonderful Yuuri.

He grips onto Yuuri’s hands a little tighter, feeling the warmth of each individual fingertip soft and present as they press into his skin.

_If this was to be their last true moment together, then he was going to make damn sure they were both going to do their best._

Victor takes a breath and leans in as close as he can. “Yuuri. Listen. I took a break after becoming the five-time world champion to coach you. So how is it possible that you still haven’t won a single gold medal?” He feels the aching honesty of his words spilling over from his heart as he speaks, all his love, his frustrations, his patience, his anger, all pushed together into one real reason he was here. Why they were both here.  
  
Yuuri slowly raises his head, his eyes wide with surprise at his words as he continues.  
  
“How long are you going to stay in warm up mode? I really want to kiss that gold medal.” He doesn’t need to fake his small smile as he leans in a little closer, his voice warm and sure. “No matter what you want to do afterwards.”  
  
He watches his words wash over Yuuri, the happiness that breaks across his face like the sun finally bursting through days of shadow. He wants to kiss him, wants to share one final moment of intimacy, but stops himself just as he leans in, instead pulling Yuuri into the best hug that he can over the hardness of the rink’s barrier.  

 _“Go and be amazing.”_ He feels the shake of the other man’s breaths as he holds him tight, inhaling the sweet perfume of his skin one last time.  
  
It feels like a goodbye as Yuuri skates to the centre of the rink, yet the pain he expected isn’t there, the hurt between them evaporated into a feeling of shared determination.

It almost feels good.

As the music slowly starts to bleed through the air, he can see something different in Yuuri’s movements, something deeper behind the rich copper of his eyes as he moves away from his starting pose. It takes a few seconds for him to understand, to see why every scrape of his skates ricochets more firmly through his mind as he dances, why every move seems more sweet and fluid than it ever has before.  
  
He’s skating his love.  
  
It settles warmly in his bones as he watches him land each jump with ease, the heat of his feelings pulsing strongly through him when he notices that he’s upped the difficulty, doing all he can to push himself up to the top.

It’s _breathtaking_ to see.  
  
The four minutes that he dances flit by on a quick chilled breeze, Victor briefly praying to whatever God that’s out there that he can just have this a little longer. That he can stay in this small iced bubble of time for just a few minutes more watching the man he loves skate his heart out for him, for once not thinking about whatever fate was telling either of them to do.

It’s the perfectly landed quad flip that finally does him in, the tears of joy spilling fast and hot down his cheeks as the culmination of all their time, their work, their love, comes to a close. The cheers of the crowd boom wildy through the space as Yuuri stretches out a hand towards him, the sweet ache of longing behind his gaze piercing right through his chest.

It takes every ounce of his self-control not to vault over the side of the rink and kiss him senseless as Yuuri cries his victory to the ceiling before collapsing onto the ice, sparkling, shining and perfect. Instead he quickly turns on his heels, running to the Kiss and Cry as fast as he can, a thousand different words of love and congratulations ready to spill like a waterfall past his smiling lips.

For the first time in so long, things felt right. Felt perfect.

It’s only after he buries his head into the sweaty mess of his hair on the bench that he realises why.

He hadn’t looked at the thread even once during the whole performance.

* * *

  
  
There’s something different settling in his heart as Yuuri stands in front of him, silver medal clasped between his hands.  
  
“Well it’s not a gold medal, but..” He trails off, voice soft and happy as he smiles at Victor, holding the cool metal in front of his face.

Victor grins.

“Sorry I don’t feel like kissing it unless it’s gold.” He wishes he had his phone camera open to capture the look of pure confusion that flashes across Yuuri’s face at the words, his hands dropping a little. Victor keeps his perfectly practiced smile on his face as he continues to tease him. He’s missed it so much. “Man, I really wanted to kiss that gold medal, guess I’m just a failure as a coach after all.” His tone is light as he backs Yuuri down against the ice behind them, trying to suppress his laugh as he tries to fumble an answer.

He pushes him a little further.

“What do you think Yuuri? What could excite me?”

“I… uh.”

A look harder than the chilled floor behind them suddenly shoots across his expression as he tosses the medal to the side, pushing Victor back to straddle his knees, arms firmly around his shoulders as he speaks. “One more year,” he murmurs against his ear before he pulls back, no hint of nervousness colouring his face. “I’m going to compete for one more year, I know I can win gold this time.”

“Perfect!” Victor isn’t sure he’s ever felt a happiness as strong as the one currently bursting through his body at the words, his own reply rushed and giddy. “I mean it’s going to be tricky competing and being your coach at the same time, but I know we can work it out.” He reaches over to take the medal and carefully place it back around Yuuri’s neck, eyes soft. “I’m expecting at least five world championships in return.” He’s intended it as a joke, but the notion of staying with him for five more seasons, helping him grow and skate even more… he knows now more than ever it’s the only thing he’s ever going to want.

Yuuri shakily swallows as he grips the medal against his heart, his own tears starting to glisten as he slowly nods and pulls Victor into another hug. _“Okay.”_  
  
They stay wrapped around in eachother for a few minutes, nothing there to spoil the happiness between them, happy in the thought that they can make this work, that they can move forward together as whatever they wanted to be.

Just as Victor wonders if all their romantic encounters were going to happen on the floor of an ice rink, he suddenly feels Yuuri stiffen a little in his arms. 

 _“Victor.”_  
  
“Hmm?” He pulls back from Yuuri’s shoulder, surprised by the sudden wideness of Yuuri’s eyes, his gaze dropped to the space next to them.  
  
“It can’t be… it can’t…” Yuuri’s words are barely a whisper, his lips shaking as he speaks.  
  
“What are you-” As he follows the line of Yuuri’s eyes, he feels all the words in his mouth snatched away when he sees exactly where he’s focused.  
  
As per usual, the red thread is taught between them, trailing from Victor’s wrist to the edge of Yuuri’s sleeve. What has his words dying in his throat is the way Yuuri is staring at that exact spot, his hand slowly moving as if to watch it sway.

The world falls silent around them.  
  
He feels something the size of a bat flutter in his stomach as he watches Yuuri carefully trace the length of the string with the forefinger of his other hand.  
  
“Wait...wait Yuuri can you see that?” He pushes his wrist in front of Yuuri’s bowed head, watching Yuuri’s eyes follow it as he moves, his breathing hot and shallow as he waits.  
  
_Could he? Could it really be possible that…_  
  
Yuuri blinks a few times before slowly raising his head to catch Victor’s eye, a rosy blush pink and high on cheekbones.

 _“Yes.”_  
  
The word is barely out of his mouth before Victor is crushing him back into the tightest hug he can, a joy he hasn’t tasted for months exploding bright and sweet throughout his entire body.

_It’s him. It’s really really him._

He feels Yuuri’s lips moving against his neck as he holds him, his words a sweet muffled vibration.  “Victor. We’re… we’re...”  
  
Victor pulls back, gently framing the softness of Yuuri's face between his palms as he finally speaks the words he’s wanted to for far too long. “We’re _soulmates_.”

He never knew how good it would feel to say the phrase out loud until he does, the knowledge that the man in front of him was his forever, that the universe itself knew they had to be together… it’s like all the bitterness of the past few months never existed. That there was only this moment. This happiness.  
  
“But why- why now?” Yuuri’s voice is quick and breathy, the smile on his face flickering with a small confusion as he keeps flicking his eyes from the thread to Victor’s face “Why can we see it now?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Victor murmurs, reaching over to gently wipe the small tear of excitement that had started to form in the corner of Yuuri’s eye. “And I don’t care.”

* * *

  
  
They walk back to the hotel hand in hand, Victor unable to help the little flip he feels in his stomach every time he catches Yuuri’s eyes flicking down between them, tracing the sway of the red thread looped thick and sure around their wrists.  
  
As they enter, Yuuri immediately sits on the edge of the bed, staring down at the tie on his wrist with a quiet wonderment. Victor smiles as he goes over to join him, grateful for the warmed privacy of their room. After the combined punch of a broken heart and the sparkling rush as it was pieced back together, he knows both of them need some time away from the public eye.  
  
Reaching over, he gently smooths a few wayward hairs away from Yuuri’s face, a small warmth spreading in his stomach as Yuuri leans into the touch, closing his eyes for a minute. Once every strand is back in place, he gently picks up Yuuri’s wrist and softly presses a small kiss just under the knot of the red thread, trying not to smirk as his pulse jumps against the contact.  
  
“Are you okay?” he murmurs against his skin, entwining their fingers as he presses another swift kiss to the delicate web of veins.  
  
“Of course I am,” Yuuri whispers, the ever present blush on his nose and cheeks darkening as he smiles, “I mean... look.” He lifts their joint hands away, raising his gaze to watch the red thread sway a little more with their movement. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to looking at it.”  
  
“Me neither.” Victor chuckles as he  traces the curve of the string with his finger, marvelling at how something that had just this morning caused him such pain was now blooming such an intense joy in his heart, now a real tangible piece of their love firm and present for both of them to enjoy. He shifts so he can pull Yuuri more comfortably in his arms, burying his face in the soft mess of his hair. After everything that’s happened over the past few hours, he’s just desperate to stay close to him.  
  
“I just can’t believe it. You can see it.” Victor mouths his happiness against Yuuri’s forehead before pulling back to better appreciate the sweet dark swirl of his eyes, everything he ever wanted encircled in his arms. “Finally you can see it as well.”  
  
“As well?” Yuuri tilts his head a little, the confusion colouring his tone clear.  
  
Victor blinks a few times before realising what had slipped out of his mouth.

 _Oh shit._  
  
Yuuri goes still in Victor’s arms for a few seconds, his smile dropping slightly as he speaks. “What do you mean?”  
  
Victor feels a cold realisation start to dampen the happiness in the air.  
  
“I mean I know you could see it sometimes but…” Yuuri voice trails off, Victor biting his lip as he watches the cogs turn in Yuuri’s head.  
  
“What I mean is…”  
  
“Wait.” Yuuri shifts away slightly, rubbing the tie on his wrist as he slowly takes in Victor’s falling gaze. “Every time you told me it didn’t matter...” Victor doesn’t move, fear pooling in his gut as realisation dawns on Yuuri’s face, his expression breaking.  
  
“Yuuri, wait-”  
  
He’s up off the bed before Victor can finish, slowly backing away. _“You knew.”_  
  
He feels the words pierce through him like bullets, the chilled fear of Yuuri’s tone nothing compared to the shock he can see flashing bitter and frustrated on his face.  “Yuuri- I-”  
  
“Tell me I’m wrong.” He holds up his hands, his voice rumbling with a quiet desperation. “Please tell me for all this time you weren’t lying to me. That- that…” he takes a breath, audibly swallowing before he continues, “ -that you let me believe you were going to leave me. ”  
  
He opens his mouth, desperately wanting to tell him that that was never going to be an option, but he just… can’t. Yuuri knew Victor had a soulmate, and Victor knew Yuuri well enough that all the consoling in the world wouldn’t convince him that it wouldn’t come between them.  
  
The scrutiny of Yuuri’s gaze has him dropping his head. All the reasoning in the world can’t shift the blame to anyone but himself.  
  
Yuuri shakes his head at his cold silence, his voice barely a whisper, “All this time... All this time, you knew .”  
  
As he looks up, the anguish starting to colour Yuuri’s face breaks his heart. He wants to fix this, tell him something, anything that won’t taste like betrayal on his tongue. But he can’t. He takes a breath and holds his expression, trying to fight the burn starting to flare in the back of his throat.  
  
They’re finally here. No more lies  
  
“Yes.”  
  
Yuuri takes a few seconds to process his answer, turning away slightly to run a hand down his face, his breaths quickening.  
  
Victor looks down at the hands folded in his lap, letting Yuuri work through this. He can feel an old shame starting to spread coldly though his mind, how Yuuri could finally finally understand how much he loves him... and he’d already ruined it. In all his fantasies about Yuuri finally being able to see the thread, he’d conveniently skipped over the small detail of what he’d think when Victor finally told him he already knew. Deep down he knew he was always too scared to consider what he’d say in return.  
  
And now that stupidity was coming back to bite him with sharp, angry teeth.  
  
Flicking his eyes across the room, he feels the tiniest comfort in the thread still securely tied from his wrist to Yuuri’s, though he winces as it shakes with Yuuri’s jerky movements as he processes everything.  
  
“How long?”  
  
He looks back up as Yuuri finally speaks, his arms folded defensively across his chest, the shine of his eyes not quite meeting Victor’s.  
  
“Since China.”  
  
Yuuri lets out a small laugh, there’s no warmth to it. “For all those months and you didn’t... you didn’t think you should...” He trails off, his voice a sandpapered murmur as he blinks rapidly a few times.  
  
Victor can’t stop himself leaping from bed when he catches the frustrated tears starting to form like silvery pearls in the corner of his eyes. He stops himself as he goes to touch him, Yuuri hunched and small where he stands.  
  
“Yuuri-”  
  
Yuuri backs away a few more steps, the space between them suddenly still and cold. “I think you should go.” He turns towards the bathroom, his frame starting to shake slightly the instant his face is out of sight. “I need to think for a bit.”  
  
The words sting like the winter wind as they leave Yuuri’s mouth, all the happiness Victor finally thought he could have disintegrating before his eyes.

“Yuuri wait.” He reaches out to gently rest his hand against his shoulder, trying not to wince as he flinches against the touch. “Please.”

 _He can’t let this go…  not now._  
  
He doesn’t pull away from the fingers now gently curling around his shoulder, but he doesn’t turn around either, the only sound between them the rasp of Yuuri’s stuttered breaths.  
  
Victor takes a second to consider his words, God knows Yuuri deserved the right ones. He’s done letting things breakdown between them because neither could see eye to eye. He can’t let miscommunication get in the way of this.  
  
Not again.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to the back of his head, slowly closing the distance between them as he speaks. “Look, if you really want me to, I’ll go, but can you just please let me explain myself.” He casts his eyes down again, exhaling slowly to steady himself. “Right now you deserve the truth.”  
  
Yuuri lets out a long shaky breath and slowly turns around, his eyes wet and dark. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is low, Victor almost able to taste the quiet anger on his tongue. “I was scared Victor. For so long I was so scared you’d find your actual soulmate.”  
  
“Because I was scared too.” His words are small, the guilt of holding onto such a secret flaring more painfully than ever before. “If I told you, I had no proof I was telling the truth and I was worried that if you believed me, you’d be just as worried as to why you couldn’t see it too.”  
  
The hurt that crosses the other man’s expression feels like a punch in the gut, the idiocy of his actions finally laid out in front of him in the messy pile it was.  
  
“I know now that wasn’t really my place,” he continues, desperately trying to avoid looking away, the hurt swimming behind those brilliant eyes, burning him almost like a physical pain. “I tried everything. Everything to try and make you see… and after I while I just- I just didn’t know what to do.”  
  
Victor bites his lip as he watches the information wash over him, perfectly aware of the frustration he must be feeling, but feeling completely powerless to take it away.

He lets out a long tired breath before he continues. “It’s funny. I guess I knew before this stupid thing even appeared.” He wiggles his wrist and watches the thread bounce between them. “Even before we went to China I just couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted this, wanted _you._ And then when I saw it and you couldn’t, it just made me think that maybe- maybe you didn’t..”  
  
“Didn’t what?” Yuuri’s voice is barely audible, even in the small space between them.  
  
Victor lets out another long sigh. “That maybe I was your soulmate. But you weren’t mine. That you were meant for someone else.” The old fear is still bitter against his tongue as he speaks. “By then I was just so scared... I couldn’t...” His words dry up in his mouth again, the selfishness of his actions weighing heavier than ever in his mind as he speaks.

He really was a failure. Not just as a coach, but as his friend, his lover. He’d done possibly the most stupid, selfish thing to try and preserve his own feelings and when he couldn’t think of anything better, he just gave up.  

He takes another second to compose himself before whispering the only words he has left, the only thing he hopes can lessen the hurt he knows Yuuri must be feeling right now. _“I’m sorry.”_ He turns around and sits back down on the bed, dropping his face to his palms. “I understand if you can’t forgive me for this.”  
  
There’s a long moment of silence between them, Victor waiting for the vibrations of the door slamming or the whispered request asking him to go.  
  
It’s not like he doesn’t deserve it.  
  
“Victor.” He hears Yuuri’s soft footfalls against the carpet until he standing directly in front of him. He braces himself for the sting of rejection before warm palms are cupping his face, gently guiding his head to meet Yuuri’s gaze.  
  
“I think for the longest time I just didn’t believe it was possible.” The shine of fresh tears are still glistening, but his expression has softened a little, his posture more relaxed.  “You’d always talked about finding your soulmate and I guess I just thought that... well it could never be me.”  
  
“Yuuri-”  
  
Yuuri puts a finger against his lips, gently silencing him.  
  
“I think today is the first day I really let myself believe that... that this could work.” He moves his hand away, lightly running the pads of his fingers down Victor’s cheek. “That I’m not holding you back.”  
  
“Of course you aren’t.” The words are out of his mouth in an instant, quiet and achingly honest. “You never could.”  
  
Yuuri takes a breath and nods softly, stepping forward until Victor’s head gently rests against his chest, his words softly rumbling against his skin. “I forgive you Victor.”  
  
_“Yuuri.”_ He opens his legs, pulling Yuuri between them so he can hold him more easily, his arms securely wrapped around his waist, ear against the rapid beat of his heart.  
  
“I’m not saying what you did was right.” Yuuri murmurs, lightly stroking his fingers against the nape of his neck, “I think you hurt us both but... I understand the fear.” He pulls Victor’s head back a little to see the small smile prettily painting his lips, beautiful even in the dimmed light of the room. “I just don’t understand why you ever thought someone like me wouldn’t want you.”  
  
Victor chuckles softly as he pulls Yuuri down onto his lap, one hand against his hip, the other softly gripping his chin as he slowly inches their faces closer. “Because you’re so much more than you think you are. I hope you know that now.”

It’s Yuuri that quickly closes the remaining space between them, teasingly tracing the curve of Victor’s bottom lip with his tongue before kissing him properly. Victor feels the weight of a thousand suns lift from his shoulders as he holds him, let’s all the hurt from the past year vanish as he loses himself in the sweet taste of Yuuri’s lips and the gentle rhythm of his fingers lightly tracing up and down the curve of his spine.  
  
“I do,” Yuuri eventually whispers, his breath a feather’s caress against his mouth before he shifts up to press their foreheads together. “I really do.”

  
Victor laughs softly again as he lets them fall backwards against the mattress, Yuuri a comforting weight sprawled across his chest. He doesn’t care that he has his coat on, that Yuuri is still sweaty and stiff from performing, all that matters to him right now is this sweet, gentle moment and making sure it lasts as long as it possibly can.

After a few minutes, he can feel Yuuri going lax against him, the pain and excitement of the past few days probably finally catching up to him. Smiling at the sweet sight, he shifts him into a more comfortable position across his chest, lightly stroking the nape of his neck as he whispers gentle comforts against his hair. “I love you. I love you so much. And it’s not just because of this,” he lightly strokes the warmed skin above the tie on Yuuri’s wrist. “It’s because of _you._ ”

He doesn’t expect Yuuri to have heard, so it’s a pleasant surprise when he moves his head to catch Victor’s eye, gaze softer than melting honey. “I love you too,” Yuuri murmurs, gently lifting Victor’s wrist one more time to see the thread tied bright and sure between them, pulling them together for eternity.

 _“Soulmate.”_  


**Author's Note:**

> I don’t usually write angst but that’s what this ended up becoming. I was thinking of writing a sequel that’s a lot happier so let me know if that’s something you’d like.
> 
> (EDIT: Prequel/companion fic has now been added to the beginning of this series so give it a read as well if you like. There also WILL be another chapter added to this work as after all your lovely responses I can’t leave you all hanging)
> 
> Come say hi to me on [Tumblr](https://ravensmores.tumblr.com/) \- @ravensmores


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